Crisis on Earth-Nerd: The Sliding Timescale.

Welcome to the world of the future, where men are men, women are women, and transistors are the height of technology.

Why, someday, we’ll even invent computers which only take up half a room!

What if…Marvel looked to their old letters pages for new ideas?

A title created in the seventies, “What if…” was a collection of one shots showing what would have happened if one thing changed in the well-known back stories of Marvel heroes, as narrated by the Watcher– what if Gwen Stacy didn’t die on the bridge, what if Spider-Man joined the Fantastic Four when he got his powers, and so on. More often than not, these stories ended in tears and reassurance the status quo of 616 was meant to be. However, reading one of the issues, I was struck by items listed in the back, where they printed the most popular story suggestions from Marvel readers. Here are some of the most interesting (read: lulz worthy) :

Crisis on Earth-Nerd

Of all the things which define a nerd, perhaps the most visible sign is that of continuity rage. The nitpicking, obscure fact quoting, raging of a nerd has become a stereotype. A writer or artist screws up a detail, then Heaven help them. The Internet will explode with thousands of angry fans; fanboys will stand up in rage, and then sit down quickly, out of breath.

I’m not here to change that.

I’m here to support the nitpicker, to uphold the continuity-pornographer, to hold true this evident truth: without continuity, there cannot exist comics. As Peter David said, “A shared universe, like any fictional construct, hinges on suspension of disbelief. When continuity is tossed away, it tatters the construct. Undermines it.” Without continuity, the pillars of comics would fall. And yet, continuity is a double-edged sword. Without it, nothing would make sense. But too much continuity, and comics become inaccessible. Even today, DC Comics suffers from the stigma of its complex Multiverse and the multiple attempts to rectify the situation. What can a fan do?

In what I hope to be a weekly or more frequent column, I’m here to do the hard work. I’ll be answering questions like “What was/is the DC Multiverse,” “Does Marvel have a similar system,” or “What’s the deal with Superman?” I’ll guide you through things like the history of the Green Lantern Corps, the various Protectors of the Universe, and more than a few obscure characters. And I’ll take requests, too. So let me know if there’s something that’s been bothering you, from the comic book murderer, to the untimely death of one of the best editors Marvel ever had, I’ve got it all.